just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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