So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
