I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
