The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
