i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
