I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
