there's paper in my vomit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
