I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
