The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize