You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
