walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who died my cat blue again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
