New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
