i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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