i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
