he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
