I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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