im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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