i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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