He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
