Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Quick, to the slutcave!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
