So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
