I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
