Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
