I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
