Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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