We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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