your room smells of hookers.
And success
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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