I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
