I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize