Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize