so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
