I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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