come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
