I wish my penis had an off switch
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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