my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
