I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
