Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how drunk are you?
Several
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
