I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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