So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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