did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
