Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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