In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
