Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
