i need an iv and a liver transplant
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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