Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
