Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
