Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
