Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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