Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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