u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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