Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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