The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
