if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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