I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
