Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
