I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
