I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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