omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
