We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
