My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the condom got lost in my hair
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
