And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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