i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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