i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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