did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
