Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
