we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
