the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
